Lessons learned from watching 'Troll 2'

1) Bright green food is not harmful

2) being Kneed in the nuts can possibly turn you into a homo

3) Ghosts need time to learn the layout of houses

4) Holidays in your parents' RV with your feminine friends are boring

5) Always take a "group fund" on holiday

6) doing kinky stuff with corn is what chicks dig

7) people in nilbog dont have much to do so they feed kids ice cream

8) you can't piss on hospitality

9) don't expect to see any trolls in troll 2

10) Leaving meat in vinegar the whole night gets blood out of it

11) when your on fire, a pair of gloves will magically appear on your hands

12) doing bench-presses every night does not equip you to fight goblins

13) if someone throws a spear at you very slowly, its best just to watch it enter you

14) before e-mail and mobile phones, messages were conveyed on tennis balls

15) tightening your belt will make you less hungry

16) coffee's the devils drink

17) the stone henge magic stone is a magic stone from stone henge

18) some mothers fave songs include row row row your boat

19) "eating with a voracity that has no equal on earth" means "smearing liquidized vegetables gently over your un-moving lips

20) Nilbog milk, though gross, is free

21) you can ask you spouse "who are the goblins" and they wont laugh you out the room, then call your mutual friends and tell them what a tit you are

22) goblin queens are pretty hot

23) corn on the cob can make popcorn

24) old people can create confusion with fire extinguishers

25) if you turn into a plant chainswas only feel like a tickle

26) when nilbog farmers are supposed to sleep in the evening its actually mid day

27) no one actually farms in nilbog

28) A punch to the Nuts will turn you Homo.

29) The Waites have all the major appliances

30) Vegetable Cook Books work better than any sleeping pill

31) Vegetarians in Nilbog would prefer to go to the hassle of turning meat into vegetables, rather than just eat vegetables.

32) There is nothing wrong with doing a random dance that looks more like a seizure in front of a mirror at night.

33) Doing a bench press for a prolonged time is always a good exercise.

34) going outside to have a smoke is a good way of getting 'fresh air'

35) it's ok to drink a strange ladies potion that has mist coming off of it

36) nilbog residents throw really good parties

37) ghosts randomly carry fire extinguishers with them

38) people smirk, shake and blink when they are frozen in time

39) you can tell a goblin by the shamrock-shaped pimple on its face

40) put your hands on the magic stonehenge rock and the goblins will go away

41) or you can eat a bologna sandwich in front of them

42) in fact, just pack your own lunch when visiting Nilbog

43) if your sweat is green, game over

44) harry potter, jr. does not make an appearance

45) Grandpa seth is not in hell

46. Stock up on Double Decker Bologna Sandwiches if you're going to Nilbog.